Reflections of a Father

by Mark Livanos


Looking from the window,
my thoughts wander            
about kids grown,
memories lost.

Marveling at fingers
wrapped around my pinky
that once took hold
of my soul.
 
Rocking my eldest
in arms full of youth
slowly sapped by
never ending cries of anguish.

Crawling from the crib
towards the door
for down time
with my wife.

Holding an empty mayo jar
from which chicken pieces
are spoon fed in ever
smaller loop-de-loops.

Enduring screams
to force down medicine
used to suppress
rampant symptoms.

Listening to teachers
blame me
for my son’s
not fighting back.

Calming fears
caused by his visions,
known to no others,
that stole his youth.

Going into the abyss
of mental illness,
to slum around
for solutions.

Learning to let go of control
as one day
his relentless torment
will proceed without me.

​