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Enter Rumor, Painted Full of Tongues
by Joe Mills My daughter tells me Miley Cyrus is pregnant, but she and her friends can’t agree if the father is Jay-Z or Eminem. It might not matter anyway because Sarah thinks she’ll get a divortion. I explain that it’s pronounced abortion, and she asks how it’s done. Is it just a shot? Because that’s what Trish has said. Her cousin has a friend who got one. She said she got a shot, and the baby just went away which is weird, my daughter says, because she’s also heard that you can get a shot to get pregnant. That’s what Grace’s step-mom did. She got shot in the leg, but you also can get shot in the butt, and, you can even get two or three shots if you want to have twins or triplets, and there doesn’t even need to be a father although she thinks Grace does have a dad because she’s never heard anyone say she doesn’t and that’s the kind of thing people talk about, but what’s kind of scary, my daughter says is that she knows drugs also mess a baby up, not in a two-headed way or anything, but in a six fingers, not born normal way, and Miley Cyrus definitely does drugs, more than Selena Gomez or Justin Bieber who have been in rehab together, maybe that’s even where they met. No one knows if it’s a boy or girl or if it has a name yet, but, she tells me, we’ll probably find out soon maybe tomorrow; it will be on Instagram or the news and people will tell her at school and she’ll let me know as soon as they do. |
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